Politeness and Gender

Politeness is defined by the concern for the feelings of others.

From Nancy Bonvillain's "Language, Culture, and Communication" she notes that, "women typically use more polite speech than do men, characterized by a high frequency of "honoriiics" (showing respect for the person to whom you are talking to, formal stylistic markers), and softening devices such as "hedges" and questions."

Sociolinguists try to explain why there is a greater frequency of the use of polite speech from women than from men. In our society it is socially acceptable for a man to be forward and direct his assertiveness to control the actions of others. However, society has devalued these speech patterns when it is utilized by women. From historical recurrence, it has appeared that women have had a secondary role in society relative to that of the male. Therefore, it has been (historically) expected from a women to "act like a lady" and "respect those around you." It reflects the role of the inferior status being expected to respect the superior. In Frank and Anshen's "Language and the Sexes", they note that boys, "are permitted, even encouraged, to talk rough, cultivate a deep "masculine" voice and, if they violate the norms of correct usage or of polite speech, well "boys will be boys," although, peculiarly, it is much less common that "girls will be girls" Fortunately, these roles are becoming more of a stereotype and less of a reality. However, the trend of expected polite speech from the female continues to remain. This is a prime example of how society plays an important part on the social function of the language.

Honorifics
Honorifics are linguistic markers that signal respect to the person you are speaking to:

"Hey ma, fix my jacket"
Mom, could you please do me a favor, and fix my jacket?"

In Japanese, according to Masa-aki Yamanashi, the appropriate choice of honorifics is based on complex rules evaluating addressee, referent, and entities or activities associated with either. Example taken from Nancy Bonvillain's "Language, Culture, and Communication."

• Without Honorific.

yamada ga musuko to syokuzi o tanosinda
yamada son dinner enjoyed
"Yamada enjoyed dinner with his son."

• With Honorific.

yamada-san ga musuko-san to o-syokuzi o tanosim-are-ta
yamada-HON son-HON HON-dinner enjoyed-HON
"Yamada enjoyed dinner with his son."

Hedges: "loosely speaking", having a sense of "fuzziness" they take away assertiveness in your statements, soften the impact of your words or phrases such as " I was sort-of-wondering," "maybe if....," "I think that...."

 

"HANK is SO MEAN!"  vs. " I sort-of-think that Hank is a bit of a mean person."